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Home > Intimacy - When Less Is More
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Intimacy - When Less is More
by Shela Dean
Hubby Dale and a guy friend sat on their boat knocking down a few beers and whiled away a lazy afternoon by listing body "ations"-urination, expectoration, perspiration, etc. I tried, but failed, to imagine doing the same with a girlfriend. We would identify the three most important "ations"-exfoliation, ovulation and menstruation, three these two geniuses missed-and then go shoe shopping.
Like it or not, "ations" are part of life. When you're cheek by jowl it's impossible to pretend, as you do in those early getting-to-know-each-other days, that you're the only person on the planet who doesn't experience them. At some point, one or the other of you will fart, belch, or leave the bathroom in need of fumigation. One bit of relaxed behavior leads to another and before you know it, you're sharing-perhaps over-sharing-all those "ations."
It's not fair to stereotype but it seems to me that most guys never quite get over their middle-school fascination with body functions, especially flatulation and eructation (belching). There's even a certain pride that some men take in "ations" as if the louder the belch or the more pungent the flatulence, the more manly they are. I. Do. Not. Get. It.
Okay, I admit it. I sometimes see the humor. Dale and I were at a Wednesday afternoon matinee, the favorite showing for folks from the retirement community. During a quiet moment Dale coughed so hard he ripped one. A really loud one. The elderly woman in front of Dale reached up and patted her head as if she feared the blast had dislodged her wig. We could not stop laughing and had to leave.
Then there's grooming. In a perfect world, we'd all wake up as they do in the soaps-perfect hair, perfect make-up, no morning breath. You wouldn't need to floss or brush your teeth, clip your toenails, exfoliate, mud pack, shave, or file your calluses. It's soooooooooo not a perfect world.
I think most body functions and grooming should be done behind closed doors. Dale is more relaxed. I'm convinced he'd never seek privacy but for the fact that he reads on the john and doesn't want to be disturbed. Oddly, the one thing that grosses him out is watching me put my contacts on. You may consider that as weird as I do, but it does demonstrate an important point. When it comes to body functions and grooming, it's a good idea to know when you're crossing your sweetie's "that's disgusting" line.
We all have our quirks. Kathy is grossed out by teeth flossing, Elijah by ear wax on Q-Tips. I need complete privacy to groom my feet. Nail clippings make Rebecca want to hurl. Respect your sweetheart's quirks and avoid the gross out.
It may be impossible to maintain the same level of propriety you would around a total stranger, but remember this: In an intimate relationship, there are times when less is more.
About the Author
Shela Dean is a Relationship Happiness Coach, speaker, and author of Frequent Foreplay Miles - Your Ticket to Total Intimacy, available through Amazon.com and other booksellers. Her book and advice have helped many couples in their journey to improve intimacy and strengthen marital bonds.
Brett Anderson (Suede) 2007 album sampler
A small clip of each track from Bretts debut solo album released April 2007.
Track listing
1. Love Is Dead
2. One Lazy Morning
3. Dust And Rain
4. Intimacy
5. To The Winter
6. Scorpio Rising
7. Infinite Kiss
8. Colour Of The Night
9. More We Possess The Less We Own Of Ourselves
10. Ebony
11. Song For My Father
FROM WIKIPEDIA: Born in Haywards Heath, West Sussex, England, Anderson spent much of his childhood playing sports and becoming a rock star.
In his teens, Anderson played guitar for garage bands such as The Pigs and Geoff, the latter featuring future Suede bassist Mat Osman. In the late-1980s, Anderson and Osman formed Suede with Anderson's girlfriend, Justine Frischmann, soon recruiting guitarist Bernard Butler through an advertisement in the NME. After receiving percussional help from former Smiths drummer Mike Joyce, in 1991, Simon Gilbert joined Suede as their official drummer. It was around this time that Frischmann left Anderson for Blur frontman Damon Albarn, which created an early rift in the burgeoning Britpop scene of the early 1990s. After missing too many rehearsals and flaunting her relationship with Albarn while still living with Anderson, Frischmann was fired from the group, going on to front Elastica.
Even before Suede's first album appeared in stores, Anderson's androgynous style and vague "confessions" about his sexuality stirred controversy in the British music press. In 1993, Suede hit number one on the UK charts. Combining Morrissey's homoerotic posturing with David Bowie's glam theatrics, Anderson achieved instant fame in the UK. America, however, was still spellbound by the grunge revolution and Anderson's grim yodellings clashed with the raw anger of Nirvana's Kurt Cobain and Pearl Jam's Eddie Vedder. Furthering complications across the Atlantic, due to a trademark dispute with the American lounge singer Suede, the band were forced to change their name to The London Suede for the American market. Although the departure of songwriting partner Butler in 1994 during the recording of second album Dog Man Star (number three on the UK charts) led many to fear Suede's eventual demise, the band continued to release critically and commercially successful material in the UK, such as 1996's critically-acclaimed Coming Up (another number one of the band).
Coming Up proved to be a last high point, as Anderson's well-publicised problems with crack and heroin addiction put the band on hiatus in the late 1990s. The band carried on to release Head Music (number one on the UK charts and in several countries) in 1999. But A New Morning was a commercial disappointment in 2002. In 2003, after the release of their "Singles" compilation, Suede disbanded.
Anderson has commented that the history of Suede is "...ridiculous. It's like Machiavelli rewriting Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. It involves a cast of thousands. It should star Charlton Heston... it's like a pram that's just been pushed down a hill. It's always been fiery and tempestuous and really on the edge and it never stops. I don't think it ever will."
On his own, Anderson collaborated with Stina Nordenstam, and his guest vocals can be heard on the album This Is Stina Nordenstam and has made a duet with Jane Birkin in 1995 which exists in 1998 Birkin's Best Of album. He also sang the lyric "You're going to reap just what you sow" in the Children In Need charity single Perfect Day.
In 2004, after resolving their differences, Anderson and former Suede guitarist Bernard Butler formed the band The Tears, who released a critically acclaimed debut album Here Come The Tears. It was produced by Bernard Butler and largely recorded at home, and featured the singles Refugees and Lovers.
Anderson was close friends with Simon Hobart (promoter of Popstarz) and was the DJ at the benefit night held in Hobart's honour after his death.
In 2005, Anderson "ended speculation" when he publicly came out as a bisexual man who has never had a homosexual experience.[1]
In May 2006, Anderson announced details of a forthcoming solo album consisting of 11 tracks, which is set for release on 26th March 2007. He told NME that the title will be 'Brett Anderson' since "...that's my name, you see." The accompanying video for Anderson's first single Love Is Dead debuted on UK television in February 2007, quickly finding its way to YouTube. Love Is Dead made its debut at #42 in the UK singles chart, and the album went to #54 the following week.
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